Hi. How've you been? To be honest, sitting down and writing this month’s letter was challenging. I had intended to write about a more complex and long topic but some other work got in the way and here I was sitting in front of a blank page. As I kept telling myself to stay, I noticed my body crunching and my resistance followed by my thoughts swirling in a very pity self dialogue that went like this: I should have done this earlier in the week, but I was busy with clients and other academic writing. Why do I always leave things for the last minute? To which I heard the answer: You work best on a tight deadline. I could go on and on about how this scene evolved for at least one hour, up until I said to myself okay, it’s enough. So I practiced what I often share: To stay, get quiet and listen. And what came up was this: You don’t walk alone. You don’t walk alone.
As I heard these words, my body began to soften. The thoughts started to be more spacious and I felt silence hugging me. I’m sharing this with you with the hope that as much as I needed to hear it, perhaps someone out there also needs it too.
In a world that pulls our attention in many different directions, that synthesizes big concepts in 30 second videos, that make us feel as if we are “spending” time vs “making” time and want a quick formula for everything, to talk about a heartfelt feeling of being surrounded by God, Guides, Universe, Mentors, Deities, The Earth, Art or Ancestors - however each of us wants to call it, it’s very radical.
Thomas Merton in his brilliant book New Seeds of Contemplation says “Yet contemplation is not vision because it sees “without seeing” and knows “without knowing”. It is a more profound depth of faith, a knowledge too deep to be grasped in images, in words or even in clear concept. It can be suggested by words, by symbols, but in the very moment of trying to indicate what it knows the contemplative mind takes back what it has said, and denies what it has affirmed. For in contemplation we know by “unknowing”. Or, better, we know beyond all knowing or unknowing.Contemplation is always beyond our own knowledge, beyond our own light, beyond our systems, beyond explanations, beyond discourse, beyond dialogue, beyond your own self. "
Growing up in Brazil, a country steeped in different forms of faith, I remember hearing from my grandma this expression: Offer it up! And, of course, the more rational part of me wanted to know exactly what it was and who was receiving this but as I listened to the internal voice that said you don’t walk alone, I immediately was put in this mysterious place beyond myself surrounded by what I can’t see or touch. What doesn’t need much explanation. How do we trust what is invisible? How do we ask for help in this empty space that is also so full? How can we allow ourselves to be held by what is out there but is also within us?
I sometimes feel as if this is our biggest endeavor: to find ourselves in this mystery. As if (however we like to call it) moves the curtains as we move along, extends a hand as we reach out, shows us a road when we stand on our two feet, places a hand on our heart when we need to rest and whispers in our ears when we are silent. The feeling of being guided is one I don’t think we should take for granted or fabricated. It’s one we want to weave in, slowly. As if we let our lives reveal itself to us in its own divine time.
I won’t enter here in the details of religious institutions and the trauma they have caused people around shame, punishment, manipulation, etc. However, I want to make room for how important it is to note how and when our faith/trust was modeled to us or was broken, disowned or misused. So to re enter this realm requires that one processes and leaves behind charged feelings around what was said about what some of these things are and what they aren’t. To create what it is, for each of us, personally requires a ton of more responsibility, willingness and awareness than to follow what a self appointed “guru” might said. Additionally, it’s important to consider that often when we find ourselves isolating when feeling overwhelmed, it might means we probably had to solve a lot of our problems alone as a child. We didn’t have anyone to turn to or at least if felt that way. So trust is a muscle we need to put some extra attention on. When we can release a bit of control and overdrive and turn into a more of a receptive posture, we create some room for this thing that has no name to emerge. “I must learn therefore to let go of the familiar and the usual and consent to what is new and unknown to me. I must learn to leave myself in order to find myself.” -Thomas Merton
This letter isn’t much about what to do or how to do it. Well, none of them really are but this one, in particular, is only an attempt to say to you: Even though sometimes we feel we are doing all of this alone, we aren’t. We don’t walk alone. What happens if you allow yourself to be held by the mystery surrounding us?
With love,
Mari
TO READ, WATCH, LISTEN & REFLECT:
1- A new playlist and if you want to access meditation recordings and Q+A, I’ve added 2 new posts here and here.
2- I made a quick video on Intellectualizing vs Feeling
3- Saving Time: Discovering a Life Beyond The Clock, Jenny Odell new book. She is also the author of How to do nothing.
4- When someone you love is upset, ask this one question
5- Mary Oliver talking about mystery of life beyond other things
7- Turning toward a more authentic life. A conversation with Melisa Febos. She says “There’s so much unlearning that needs to be done before we can live authentically”
8- You begin with what you know and What you know changes, some words from Cheryl Strayed.
9- What conversations can do for us: a great piece by Hua Hsu
10- I’ve recommended these movies on Instagram a while ago, but I wanted to put it here too: Aftersun and Close.
FREE MONTHLY GATHERING: GUIDED MEDITATION + BREATHING PRACTICE
This is a virtual circle and as always everyone is invited, meditation experience and talking/sharing is NOT required. We’ll explore with a beautiful devotional practice.
NEXT GATHERING
May 26th
9am/pst
On Zoom
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Additional Offerings
Mentorship for New Teachers : One-on-One Mentoring Sessions to Beginner or New Teachers or people who wants additional training
Corporate Programs : Contemplative Program for Companies
Private Sessions: One-on-One Contemplative Psychotherapy Program
A little about the private sessions
My work is dynamic, present and unique to individual needs. Together, we will create the conditions for a safe and connected space that makes expansive self-exploration possible. Together we’ll find stillness and awareness to help meet yourself where you are and with inquiry and acceptance begin a process of self-compassion and integration, through a combination of the following:
Meditation instructions and coaching for both beginner and more experienced meditators
Body awareness practices and visualizations for a more embodied and somatic experience
Support in becoming more aware of and breaking free from negative patterns
Guidance to integrate techniques of both formal and informal practices into daily life
Practical tools to process difficult emotions, self-criticism, negativity and grief
Moments of dialogues, inquiries and processing
The Summer Day
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean—
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
- Mary Oliver